Beth Orton, “Stolen Car”

Always pay attention to words

We can learn from all forms of writing, as long as it is well written. Screenplays, novels, poetry, articles, song lyrics.

I was listening to this song recently and ended up pondering what I liked about the words.

First, listen to the opening five lines of the song (video above).

I’ll wait.

(Sits patiently.)

Okay, you’re back.

Beth Orton, “Stolen Car”

You walked into my house last night

I couldn’t help but notice

A light that was long gone, still burning strong

You were sitting, your fingers like fuses

Your eyes were cinnamon

These were some of my thoughts about those lines.

• Who feels the light still burning? Does she feel it welling up for the visitor, or do they reveal that they still have feelings for her? We are not told, so the listener is given something to do. Ambiguity can draw the reader in, make them a participant rather than just an observer. It’s why we show, don’t tell.

• There’s a contrast between walking and sitting, which is also an escalation/progression. It also skips the middle, the unimportant bits (hellos and chit chat): it gets straight to the key point. Obviously we do that more in poetry, but it is a good goal in prose as well.

• “Fingers like fuses” is a perfect three-word simile. It captures the fidgeting, energy, nervousness. Tells us a lot, and is still fresh as I’d never seen that word combination before.

• After that simile (“x is like why”) we get a metaphor (“x is why”). She may have chosen a metaphor the second time to avoid repetition of two likes, which would be a valid choice. But it also works better to say IT IS in the second case, as it draws us in more, just like the eyes do. They are cinnamon, with its connotations of being mysterious, sweet, exotic, delicious: just like the nervous feelings, perhaps.